Pain has a way of making us more honest
As I sit here by myself on a saturday night. I struggle with the feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is one of the core reasons for my dark past in pornography. It was a terrible way to deal with that feeling. Far too often we pretend to be ok. We have a fear of being truly open and honest with another person. So we fake it, you say “I’m doing ok” or the ever popular “I’m just tired”. Which is a load of BS. Then we begin to suffer. We hold in those feelings, we pretend to be ok which only makes them worse. I don’t understand why I feel lonely. I don’t understand why I struggle with insecurities. I don’t understand why you have the troubles you are having.
But we do.
We.ache.
This is why music and movies and books are so important to so many of us. They are people tangibly sharing their aches with all of us
and
we
connect
on a level that far surpasses the normalcy of our every day lives.
I believe this is why the standard sunday morning of church doesn’t work by itself. People meeting together in a living room growing together. Allowing a place for them to be completely honest without fear of getting it wrong. Now that is church. Seth Godin used this amazing analogy in his talk from catalyst this past year. He said that some people make good cupcakes. The first time they made cupcakes they followed directions and did ok. They continued to follow that recipe and continued making good cupcakes. Then you have those who also started following a recipe and made good cupcakes. Eventually though, they began experimenting. They weren’t afraid to make bad cupcakes. They weren’t afraid to get it wrong. But Eventually they make something more than good. That’s how a favorite of mine like the cupcake with a chocolate chip cookie baked inside came about.
I think too many of us are like the first group of people. We are so afraid of getting it wrong we never change or evaluate how we live. We are so afraid of not being a good christian or a good person we won’t admit we have problems. This is when things get fake.
Fear
When we allow fear to cause us not to act. When we allow our fear to result in inaction. It keeps God’s intention for our lives from ever fully developing. Trust me I am no stranger to fear and inaction. Honestly it could be one of the most prominent stories of my life right now. I am changing that though. There is a verse that my small group grabbed a hold of this week. Psalm 4:5 “Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.” In other words give up your worries and trust in God. I am currently putting this to test. Especially over the next week or two. I hope you can too.
My name is Jamison Smith. I ache.
What about you?
